From Tacoma Personal Trainer- Isaac Ho
Busy days! It’s OK. I like it that way. However I was remiss to miss sharing with you about one of my favorite topics. love, especially as Valentines day was Thursday.
Love. How strange you are…I have experienced you many times and each time you feel different and show me different shades of the world that I have not yet seen before. Now, I’m not an expert in love by any means but I am an expert in dealing with the aftermaths of love that didn’t work out. If you’re reading this and willing to lean your soul next to mine for a bit than continue on.
What is love?
I’ve always been fascinated with love. So many ways to define it and it manifests itself in so many forms. So we should probably start with what love ISN’T.
LUST is the desire for their body. That’s NOT love. Love is the desire for their soul. Simple enough and well stated.
Exercise is an amazing way to strengthen your body but in the end what it really strengthens when done correctly is YOUR SOUL! Exercise is challenging your soul to get better and better. It’s showing up when you don’t feel like it and pushing through when there seems to be nothing left. Growing pains for your soul is what exercise is when done correctly. Workouts that are fun and make you laugh bring light to your days and your soul.
However, if you have been around for any amount of time you know there’s a huge difference between being in love and loving something.
Simply put I love exercise but I am not in love with exercise.
What is the difference?
Love isn’t a feeling it’s a commitment. It doesn’t stay one day and simply fade the other. It’s there to stay. At the same time being “in love” is an intoxicating feeling that most would equate with being in a room without oxygen. Oxygen, or love in this case, is all you can think about. Exercise quite simply isn’t all I think about, I am however extremely committed to it because I love it.
What I am “in love” with on a constant basis is what exercise does for your soul. At the end of the day everything fades away and you won’t be able to take your body, your skin, your money, your nice car with you. The only thing that will be left for you is your soul. Investing in your soul and the souls of others then becomes the best way to spend your days. So when I workout I’m not trying to improve my body, though that’s a nice extra benefit, I’m teaching my soul a lesson. Try that next time when you do a workout and experience the huge difference between the way you will end up viewing the session.
When Love Comes Crashing Down
I had a talk with one of my coaches the other day about his sour disposition on love and girls. In short words to him ” girls are mean”. Maybe true…I do recall one girl who was quite mean in middle school and to this day I’m still wondering why she was so mean for…..but since then I have encountered many woman and the ones that you love the most are always the one with the greatest capabilities to hurt you and be ” the meanest”. But for every “mean girl” there are quite a few nice girls. Perhaps the biggest problem most men encounter is trying to pick a girl instead of a woman. Even then though the difference in that may be purely labeling as when I look at every lady no matter how old I can tell there is a little girl inside there, just as in myself I am simply a silly little boy beneath all this faux hawk.
It’s far too easy to feel like your would is ending when the person you’re in love with decides that it’s time to move further and further away from the happy times you’ve had.
Try, try and try sometimes there is no salvaging the house where you both shared your heart and it all comes crashing down.
Normal stages of grief ensue and it’s been something I’ve been struggling with for some time now. Feelings can be so strong, negative and positives ones that the best I can do is to pick the ones that would really encapsulate what love truly is.
So in my last relationship I told myself the following.
After all isn’t that what love is? If I wished her anything beside the best or labeled her as anything besides my very dearest than I realized I was manifesting selfishness, jealously, anger, pride, or keeping records of wrong. All unbecoming of what love really is and what I wish my soul to become.
The Moments We Had…..
Of course…I will always miss those moments we had or could have had. That’s part of life. But I do my best to not let it define me. In the movie “Inception” the main character’s wife committed suicide, partially his fault because he planted a thought in her mind that carried on and grew out of control. An amazing movie on how a thought can be the most incredible yet dangerous thing you could ever plant. In “Inception” going to into the dreams of others is the plot of the movie, however, due to the distress of missing his wife and his kid the main character lives with a locked up imaginary version of his wife in his head. He struggled with several problems:
- Guilt for being responsible for her suicide due to planting a thought in her head
- His promise to her they would always grow together
- How much he missed her
In your head you can dream for hours yet live years in your mind. Deeper dreams pass even slower. In the end to let go of her he made a huge realization. Time is relevant and they spent years in their heads dreaming together.
The time they had and spent was the time they had and they did grow old together. Making that realization he was able to let her go and return to the world that he knew before outside of the dreams.
I had to think about that a lot. Not because I believe every movie is the answer to your problem but movies are large shadows of life. I realized when I thought about all the promises that were never kept, time we never spent together, and all the what’s and where’s that could have been I wasn’t living in the reality. I was living in a dream. A dream that had since passed me and the time we had was spent and gone, she was long gone, instead I was living in the dream and holding her in a place where she no longer was.
There will never be another her.
Time and time again I hear great coaches tell people, ” Don’t try to be like me. There will never be another me and even if you got great at being me you would still only be AT BEST a second class me. Be the best YOU possible.”
I reflected on that and realized that I can’t go forward and expect anything to be great if I try to be a second best anything. This holds true in relationships as well. If I look for someone like her that’s just asking for problems.
There will never be another person like her and even if someone was close they would always be second best. I could no more find someone like her anymore than she could go out and find a second best me. It’s just not happening.
So that Adele song ” someone like you” should really be changed to ” the second best you…I should probably just get over you”.
Each person on this planet is unique and special, instead of approaching and trying to replace the person that’s missing I’ll simply realize that I’m not looking for a second best her. I’m looking for the best whoever that’s a unique individual that fills the next pages of the chapter in my life with the most brilliance and warmth that I couldn’t have imagined.
With BeFit Love,