Being a Tacoma Personal Trainer now for coming on nine years there’s something I realized. Experience in the trenches combined with experience learning from outside of fitness are necessary to become a master of this art. You can’t be a world class technician in an industry where you work with people without understanding people.
One of my Mentors Martin Rooney always said training is like Jazz, there’s the technical side then there’s the “art” part. The part where you just gotta feel it to make the music as good as it sounds.
Today I’m going to talk to you about self talk, self talk can be the most powerful thing you possess or if you use it the wrong way, the most destructive thing working against you.
On a week to week basis I always find inspiration in my life to write about, some of it from the gym and some of it from outside the gym. Today I’m going to tell you about a session I had that made me stop and look at what I was seeing.
WHY EVERYTHING MATTERS
During a session I’m aware of the music we play, the people in my sessions energy levels that day, who does better focusing with less help and a goal to work on and those who do better with some hand holding. One on one training is something I do less of these days, not only because my time is valuable but because most of the time I train someone one on one there’s a high chance that person is coming in that day with aches and pains that would stop a normal program.
This particular training session I had a client who has been going through some “stuff“. Internally is where we go through things. I could tell she definitely needed to have a coaching session but in groups unfortunately we can’t do that. So I mused it over in my head.
I want you to remember this, when you say, “ I don’t have control” not only are you lying to yourself but you’re trying to take the responsibility off yourself by telling yourself a story.
The story is, ” I am not in control of my own life so whatever happens is beyond my control and it’s not my fault“.
I can tell you unless the mafia shows up to your house and you don’t want to go down in a blaze of glory this probably isn’t true, but if you keep telling yourself that story you will be stuck right where you are.
Since her internal outlook was something I couldn’t change at the moment I tried to change her external outlook by keeping the music more in line to something she would harness as neutral or maybe even slightly positive.
Trying to manipulate someone’s external environment is taxing, I would tell you it’s also not very effective for changing someone’s outlook. You can’t change anything unless you change their story.
Most of my focus was on this client and after the gym cleared out it was just me and a client left, I went to clean up some weights and my client joked, “ You made picking that up so easy, I could only do that if there was a candy bar on top of that bar“.
WHY YOU’RE BETTER THAN CURLING A CANDY BAR
Obviously he was making a joke, but time slowed down for me a bit and I realized I had heard this line before. From someone, myself.
It was the line I used to tell myself about exercise, it was my story.
The story was I was trying to get in shape but really I was a fat ass who would go home and resort to stuffing my fat face with pizza, exercise was too hard for me, I was going to eat like shit and my results weren’t going to show because I wasn’t disciplined enough to make any change because I was such a fat lazy slob that could never get in shape.
My motivation to lift a weight was just to stuff some junk food that everyone knew was poison for them into my face. I’m hopeless and I want you to know that, let’s laugh about it.
That’s EXACTLY how I used to think.
THAT WAS MY STORY.
Right NOW! You’re telling yourself a story, a story that isn’t true, that will stop you from getting to be the person you want to be, maybe in fitness, maybe in your career, maybe in your health or relationships.
Every week at BeFit we do coaching lessons and this week we talked about the three pillars of success, if success was a stool you need three legs.
The other day Coach Dyllan and I where at Ikea looking at stools and we sat on some shaky stools, I wouldn’t dare try to lean back on, two legged stools are benches and three legs are ideal.
Each of these stool legs is important but I think the third one is most misunderstood.
CLARITY FROM YOU
Most people aren’t clear with themselves, they say they want one thing but then do another, have one goal that DIRECTLY conflicts with a different goal.
Then they end up MISERABLE as F!
I can tell you this because I did this, I was running my personal training business, training clients, trying to balance a relationship and absorb a lifetime of continued education seminars all at the same time, I barely had time to work out and I HATED my life!
What I realized was I had to stop, my own ambition and drive to be IMPORTANT and to be knowledgeable, to get information was taking away my core values.
Love, enjoy life, spending time with the important people around me, taking time to feel good about me! To take care of me!+
It’s what I preached and when I didn’t follow it I didn’t feel good.
I had to think about what served me here and now, what I was after not what I got blinded by.
Internal Conflict will always sabotage your happiness, stop you from making decisions that you’re proud of and having you chasing a rabbit that vanishes into a hole.
That’s how so many people accomplish their goals and are still miserable!
If this sounds like you start by realizing you need to change the internal story that is externally changing your environment by the decision you make. Then you need to write your new story, of course all this is not possible if you can’t find clarity within yourself.
Surprisingly, spending time to just talk to yourself and write down what you want is probably one of the hardest things that ANYONE can do, because most of us have internal conflicts from so many branches of life that all pull on each other.
We want this or that, but don’t want to give up this or that. It’s all one step at a time and after I talked to my client about what he had said, it’s about RAISING YOUR LEVEL OF AWARENESS.
If you need help with this email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, let’s write you a new story.